Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Finding time to update the blog has proved (obviously) unsuccessful.  Between caring for baby Alison and big brother Ari, trying to wash and fold a billion loads of laundry, and cook a dinner every now and then, there's no extra time for showers or errands or blogging.  The nursery is still empty.  The thank you notes are still in their unopened package.  And, well, I smell.

But I've wanted to update you on Team Ari.  And on Ari.  But the thing most on my mind right now is Tucker.

Those of you who visited us in the hospital remember him.  His room was next to the play room and he had a big sign on his door that read "High School Senior Zone."  I first met Tucker a few days after we were admitted to the hospital.  Ari was playing with trains and Tucker was hanging out in the "teen room" across the hall.  Someone asked him if he had a license and he answered "I was in driver's ed...before this whole cancer thing."  I told him driving was over-rated but deep down, I remembered what a huge milestone it was for me to get a license, to get my first car, and to have the independence to drive. 

Throughout Ari's hospital stay, we would see and chat with Tucker often as he walked in circles around our floor.  He looked strong and healthy and happy.  I was sure he'd have that license one day soon. 

But yesterday, Tucker lost his battle with cancer.  I am beyond shocked and saddened.  I am devastated.  My heart aches for his mother and father and 4 siblings and for Tucker himself who fought so hard and for so long and still did not beat this terrible disease. 

And though I try not to, it is impossible to not let the news of Tucker's passing make this whole cancer thing feel so much scarier.  And so much more real. 

As I try to process this sad and unfair event, I will give my little Ari extra hugs and kisses, extra chips and oreos, extra time running up and down hills and ramps and jumping in muddy puddles.  I will let him stay up a little later and watch an extra episode of the Wiggles.  I will laugh when he wants to run around naked, I will encourage him to get as dirty as he wants, and I will even keep the bath water cold like he requests (but not too cold).  I will let him live it up as much as he can.

And I will too.  This is how we will keep Tucker's memory alive.


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