Jamaican me crazy

Friday, November 4, 2011

Our one-day-a-week nanny Dee recently became my Facebook friend.  Remember Dee?  She's how I know Ari isn't colorblind.  (And she's the reason he loves Oprah.)

This post is in honor of her.  I hope she doesn't quit.

Let's call this...

Sh*t Dee Says:

DEE: "Good morning Harry."  "Come here Harry."  "Do you want breakfast Harry?"
ME: (to myself) Who the F is Harry?  My kid's name is Ari.  Ah-reeeee.  You're going to give him an identity complex.

DEE: "I ordered shoes on eels.com" 
Me: Where? 
DEE: "Eels.com" 
Me: What?
DEE: "Eels.com" 
ME: How do you spell that?  
DEE: "H-e-e-l-s.com"
ME: Oh, Hhhhhhhhhh- (as breathy as possible) -eels .com.
DEE: What did you think I said?!

DEE: I'm going to get my air done alf up for alloween.
ME: Dee, this is nonsense.  Hhhhair, hhhhhalf, hhhhalloween.
DEE: Didn't I tell you in Jamaica we drop the H?
ME: Um no.  But...you pronounce my son's name H-arry.
DEE: Yeah mon, and we put the H where it doesn't belong!

DEE: I want new knee-high boots but my cows are too big.
ME: Excuse me?
DEE: You have big cows too.
ME: You mean my calves?
DEE: Yeah mon, but we are adult cows. 

DEE: Harry must have some Spanish in him.  He has a meaty bottom.
ME: He gets it from me.
DEE: Then you have Spanish in you.
ME: (to myself) (How did you know about that one night in college?)
DEE: Don't worry mon, he looks good.  Especially for a white boy.

DEE: Matt has sexy legs.
ME: Matt my husband?
DEE: Yeah mon, in Jamaica we call those legs sexxxxxxy.
ME: (Why you checkin' out my husband?) You mean sexy cows?
DEE: What? You crazy!

ME (via text msg): Is Ari okay?
DEE: My baby is great
ME: (to myself) (You mean my baby?  Yeah mon.)

watching Dee changing Baby J's (Dee's other job, same age as Ari) diaper.
ME: Woah!!  J has a huge penis.
DEE: I know. He's hung like a black man.

DEE (via text msg): Your son just ate everything on the tray plus a waffle and a banana
ME: He's gotta maintain those thighs
DEE: He is just a big sexy guy.

DEE: When I change Harry's poopies, he touches his penis.
ME: Maybe he likes you.
DEE: Come here Harry and give me some sugar.
ME: Maybe you should go for someone your own age.
DEE: You crazy.

To my sweet eel wearing friend, thanks for taking great care of Harry.  And for the record, you crazy!


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