Friday, May 27, 2011

The Case of the Missing Triple Paste

Background: On the changing table in Ari's bedroom is a wicker basket filled with baby necessities: diapers, nail clippers, Tylenol, Vaseline, snot squeegee, and a wide selection of diaper rash creams.  (Side note - A&D smells like steak sauce.  Anyone want my tube?  I do not like my baby the way I like my meat.)

Ari, knock on wicker, has never had diaper rash.   I attribute this to 2 things.  First, I am diligent and liberal with my application of Aquaphor in his crack(s) and crevices every time I change his diaper.  But more importantly, we have had a magic product. 

Whenever I would see the slightest tinge of red skin, I would dab on a little Triple Paste, and remarkably, the redness would disappear.  He has had a rash-free booty since birth.

I have never moved or removed the Triple Paste from the changing table. In fact, I have a travel-sized tube of Aquaphor in both of my diaper bags, under the stroller, in my car, and in my make-up case.  No need for Triple Paste on-the-go. 

That all said, I realized a few weeks ago that the Triple Paste... dun dun dun...had vanished.

I searched the basket, his room, and all of my belongings.  I looked behind the changing table and under the rug.  I even checked the medicine cabinets in the bathrooms!  No Triple Paste.  All that remains is an empty box full of rash-free memories.

(Ironic that the instruction sheet tucked in the bottom of the empty box promises "Serious relief for diaper rash. Guaranteed."  Should I write them a letter?)


I've narrowed the list of suspects down to 3 main groups of people:

1. The maids
2. The nanny
3. My mom friends

All 3 have good motives.  The maids have kids or friends who have kids and may have swiped my stuff for one of them (my husband swears they steal quarters out of our tzedakah box).  The Nanny (for the one day a week I go in to the office) watches another kid whose mom may not have this liquid gold.  Plus, she was the one who first noticed the paste had gone missing.  Maybe this was her cover!  And my mom friends, well, I think one of you them may have just placed it in your their diaper bag by "accident". 

This is no game.  This is a real-life crime.  And I need your help.  For Ari's tushie's sake!

Who stole my Triple Paste?  $5,000,000 reward for the clue that leads to the return of the butt cream.


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